sitting, waiting, wishing

There are so many layers to human nature. I know if we peeled them all away we would be able to all reveal our initial character, that of our Creator (in whose image we are supposed to be created). I feel heavy from all the layers, though. The concerns for things of this world. The world teaches us to plan, to predict, and to coordinate our lives. From the time we are children, we come up with lists of what we want and what we “need.” Kids know what they want to be when they grow up. I wanted to be a Supreme Court justice – too much Law and Order at a young age, I think. The world also teaches us to worry. We should worry about getting a job post-MVNU, paying schools loans, getting married and having he 2.3 kids, “starving children in Africa,” the state of the economy, the impending war with Iraq – we should always consider the instability of the world around us and plan accordingly. While all of these contemplations seem wise (and I’m not trying to set them aside as meaningless), I believe at the heart is self-preservation. I need to stop building up more layers that separate me from true communion with God. God is the giver of all good gifts and He longs to be our provider. How can He provide and direct us if we have everything planned and tended to? I am told not to be anxious about life. Instead, I need to practice a little thing called complete pursuit. The control freak in me needs to allow Him to work it all out. Right? My theory: sometimes when you need to feel the all-embracing nature of God, paradoxically you need to hang out in ordinariness, in a daily ritual that includes a sometimes forced submission. Then the patience will descend, the fretting will lessen, and the pacing will minimize. At least I hope so.